My room smells like vodka and shame
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
