Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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