I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
...so i touched it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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