im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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