If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
