hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
