You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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