Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
