I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
