once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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