Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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