took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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