the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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