go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
