I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
