so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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