Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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