chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize