Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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