the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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