I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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