I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm like, not good at living.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
