sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
