Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
