come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
