God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
