i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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