The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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