did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
