You work out of a Hotel?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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