Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
