at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
