Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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