I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize