why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
