I just cut my nipple shaving
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
