Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
