wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
