There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
