That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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