pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize