Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize