Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
