You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
