Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
