he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Houston, we have a blender
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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