Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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