Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
