hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
