too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
