Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
