after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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