Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
