I was born with a shot glass in my hand
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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