thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the day after is always just damage control
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
