my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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