forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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