i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
