yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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