jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found a bag of teeth...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
