We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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