need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize