There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
