508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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