This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
