i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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