What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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