I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
soo... how was my night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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