I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
