foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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